I've Got a Theory...

... and it's that Jason Hammel is both an idiot, and not a very good pitcher.  I suppose you could classify this as a hypothesis, since there is definitely some evidence that proves my side, but I've never met the dude, and before last night (more specifically, after last night's game, where Hammel made some truly brilliant* comments), I had never really heard of anything that suggested anything in either direction about his intelligence.

Well.  After giving up 4 solo HR's (and 5 other hits), Hammel, in his post-game media scrum, blathered the following nonsense:

I don’t think you can take swings like that, not knowing they’re coming. There’s rumours and things like that, I don’t know. I can’t speak on that but they were taking very, very strong hacks on breaking stuff. It’s something I’ve never seen before.

Yeah, well our good friend Abe Lincoln once gave us this gem:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

Allow me to elaborate; Hammel was worried about a 4th place team stealing signs, a story that he probably got by reading through some hearsay evidence that has been more-or-less completely disproven, and is worried about them knowing when his breaking ball was coming.  He allowed two hits all night on his breaking pitches, meanwhile giving up 4 HR's, all on fastballs.  He threw 42 curveballs and sliders (combined), and allowed hits on two of them.

And then there's the idea that a hot streak of 7 nice starts where you pitch way over your head might not actually make you a good pitcher.  A look at his career stats (and let's not forget that there is a lot of Coors Fieldness going on in these) would suggest that Hammel is nothing more than a below-average starter, so maybe that little homer-binge has more to do with Hammel being a shitballer, and less to do with sign-stealing.  But you know, make excuses and don't be a fucking man about it.

Oh, by the way, you got swept. Fuckers.

Morrow gets the Zaunhead for his performance last night, but also for "get well soon" purposes.  Lawrie gets one for Tuesday's game, by the way.

*- "truly brilliant" with the exaggerated bunny ears of sarcasm.

Stuff
The Jays optioned Aaron Laffey back to AAA after last night's game, since they no longer need the extra pitcher, though, as far as I can tell, they haven't announced who will be coming back up to the big club yet, just that it will be a position player.  Yan Gomes can't come back up yet, since it has been fewer than 10 days since his demotion, and the same goes for Eric Thames.  I'm scared that it's going to be Adam Lind, but there are other possibilities.  Travis Snider could come up if his wrist is good to go, Adeiny Hechavarria could be the guy if Kelly Johnson or Yunel Escobar need some more time (they wouldn't call him up just to sit on the bench), or it could simply be Vlad.  They don't need to announce the move today, since they have an offday.

If you missed it, Brandon Morrow was hit with a line drive last night, but X-rays came back negative, and he was diagnosed with a shin contusion, which, I think, is fancy talk for a bone bruise.  Day-to-day.

Sergio Santos might throw a bullpen at some point over the next few days, according to CBS Sports.

Nowhere Plans power rankings are up (finally).  I wrote my part Sunday, whereas the other two contributors wrote their parts either Monday or Tuesday, due to them being lazy American fucks (well, either that, or the fact that Monday was a holiday in the states).  Either way, I've already been scolded for having Baltimore too high, but they had only lost two in a row at that point in time so whatever.  Also at Nowhere Plans, Dan has a bit about the Adam Jones extension.

And finally, today in "LOL Padres", Carlos Quentin has only played three games, but he's already tied for third on the team in homeruns.