Monday, 29 August 2011

The Return of Brian Tallet

Yes folks, tonight is the night.  Not the night where Tampa Bay stops being here, not the night that Ricky Romero avenges the death DFA of Wil Ledezma, no friends... none of that.  Well. actually, both of those things are rather likely to happen, but that's not what I was going to talk about.

Nope, tonight is the long-awaited... nay, much anticipated... no, critically feared return of THE Brian Tallet.  He takes Wil Ledezma's spot on the team of "Lefty who can't get anybody out".  I actually remember defending this idiot once.  Yes, one lefty who throws mid-90's with an ERA of about a billion has been replaced with the lefty who throws mid-80's with an ERA of about a billion.  Granted, Tallet's shittiness, very similar to Ledezma's shittiness, has been almost entirely within the AL East, so Tallet has been shitty against better competition.

Some Brian Tallet "Did you know?" for you, my loyal readers:

  • Did you know that Brian Tallet is really fucking awful?
  • Did you know that Brian Tallet was once traded for a guy named Bubbie Buzachero, a trade that the Blue Jays undoubtedly lost, despite Buzachero never having made it to the big leagues?
  • Did you know that Brian Tallet has an ERA of 8.31, which is way worse than I would do, despite not having played baseball competitively for the last 9 years?
  • Did you know that Brian Tallet's career WAR is 0.5, most of which being taken up by various mustaches and sideburns?
  • Remember in my last post where I briefly spoke about WPA?  Well instead of WAR, I prefer to use WPA for relievers, due to the context of the stat.  Did you know that Brian Tallet has a career -4.09 WPA, despite being used in fairly low leverage situations for the better part of his entire career?
  • Did you know the stench of dog's bowel movements are measured by a metric called "The Brian Tallet scale", due to how dogshit Brian Tallet is?
I beg of you Ricardo Romero-- be good tonight.  We don't want to see Brian Tallet pitch for this team ever again.  We don't wanna see this guy with a huge lead, because he'll just Brad Mills lose it, and we don't wanna see him pitch with a huge deficit, because that means that there's a huge deficit.  Don't even get me started about close-ish games.

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